5 Myths of Online Therapy

 

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In an increasingly digital world it is hard to find a commodity that isn’t accessible online. If I run out of dog food, Amazon can have it to my door in two days (thank you Prime). If I’m hungry I can use GrubHub. If I owe a friend for the dinner bill, I use Venmo. All of these things have made my life more convenient, and come with little to no downside. It got me thinking: in a world where time is of the essence, and most things are available at my fingertips, why not create a business that offers therapy in a similar way?

Online therapy functions in the exact same way a traditional therapy session would, the only difference is, rather than having to drive to my office, you click a meeting link and are joined to the session instantaneously. No longer are you having to fight stressful traffic to get in your self-care, you can literally find a quiet space and start. What I’ve noticed as I continue to grow this model, is that while those who try and do online sessions with me love it, there are still a lot of misconceptions about what it is and how it works. I want to dispel those myths and help you see that not only is online therapy essentially the same, but the perks of this new model might make you wonder why you didn’t try it sooner.

So here are the most common myths about online therapy:

  1. It’s not legitimate: I’m going to be honest: when I first started hearing about online therapy, I had this thought too. Right now if you search online therapy you are going to see a lot of businesses that offer things like constant email and texting contact with your therapist. They use untested methods of contact to promote unrealistic expectations of what their services can do. THIS IS NOT WHAT I DO! What I am talking about is exactly the same as therapy in an office, only through a screen. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of California, and I am doing this because I believe in the benefits of it and the accessibility. I use the same treatment style and methods I would as if we were in the same space. Safe and legitimate psychotherapy is available, just make sure you do your due diligence in finding a therapist.
  2. It feels impersonal: This is probably the biggest concern and also the biggest misconception. Once the session starts, and we begin our work, the screen seems to melt away. As a therapist, I am giving you exactly what you would get from me if we were in a room together, and I make every effort on my end to convey that to you during our time together. I recommend taking some time upfront in order to facilitate your own therapeutic environment: Make sure you are in a quiet and private space, make sure you don’t have anything else scheduled for the hour, and set your devices to “Do Not Disturb.” These things help ensure that you are having the same experience you would in a therapist’s office.
  3. I won’t actually accomplish anything: As with any type of therapy, the answer here is that you will take out what you put in. If you are coming to therapy because of your motivation to change, and your hope for something different, then whether the sessions are online or in person, you are going to get the same result. Choosing to be accountable to yourself will go a long way.
  4. The technology is unsafe: I host my sessions through Zoom, which uses encrypted services to offer HIPPA compliance. This means that every possible effort is being taking to make sure that your protected health information (name, date of birth, etc.) cannot be accessed or leaked, in the same way your records would be safe at a doctor’s office. Be sure to ask your therapist whether the video sessions are HIPPA compliant (Skype is not, doxyme is). As with any online contact, there are limits, but every possible precaution is taking to ensure safety in this area.
  5. My therapist won’t be able to read me as well: While there are limits to what can be seen through a screen, for the most part, I am getting a full picture when I see your face. Most of our emotion is shown in our facial expression, and posture can be noted without a full body image. If this continues to be a concern, the camera can be adjusted so that more of the body is shown, but I personally haven’t encountered this as being an issue.

Concerns aside, there are so many upsides to working with a therapist online! I cannot overstate the convenience. In California especially, traffic is an increasing problem, and a one-hour session can easily turn into 2-3 hours of your day if you are having to travel. The time and the added stress can often be counterproductive to the great work we do, and eliminating that is so helpful. Online sessions are especially great for people who own their own businesses or travel for work. Your progress won’t be interrupted by your own responsibilities, as you’re able to set aside a reasonable amount of time to prioritize self-care. During cold and flu season you don’t have to risk exposure to the germs of a waiting room, and immunocompromised clients don’t have to worry about added risk. Parents of young children can benefit as well, as sessions can happen during naptime or while kids are occupied with a game or movie.

If you’re curious about getting started, reach out and schedule a consultation. You can get a feel of whether or not it’s a good fit for you, and if it is you can get started on your progress right away. Visit my website to get started.

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When Life Isn’t Fair

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At what point do we start to realize that life isn’t fair? I think we are supposed to learn that lesson as children, but does it really sink in? So and so got the bigger piece of cake at the birthday party, but I got a longer turn in the bouncy castle. Maybe I cried, maybe I didn’t. Maybe I don’t really like cake (suspend your disbelief for a second), and so I didn’t notice the inequality in our slices. Maybe it makes a difference if I am happy for so and so because we are good friends and I know how much he loves cake. I can set aside my own desire for a sugar rush and stomach ache if it means seeing my friend happy. Or maybe I can’t. Or maybe this gets a lot more complicated when we aren’t talking about cake anymore.

This week a prominent E! Entertainment figure stepped down after learning her male counterpart made twice her salary for similar work duties and a shared longevity with the network. Several articles emerged commenting on pay discrepancy between men and women, and not a single one lauded this pay gap as fair. Had the difference between salaries been smaller, there may have been more of a debate, but 2 to 1 makes it pretty easy for outsiders to look at and say: That’s not ok. It’s uneven and unfair. And mostly, we as human beings believe things like that should be fair. I’m not here to spark political debate, but in 2017 equal pay for equal work is the only solution, and if logic is not your thing you can step away from this blog right now, it’s not for you.

Other things are not so black and white. “Life isn’t fair,” is one of the most ubiquitous phrases around, and yet there is an internal sense of believing that while at times life isn’t fair, if we are “a good person” and work hard, and are deserving of good things, there will ultimately be some payout or balance. Whether that’s true or not might take a lifetime to answer, and requires a much more in depth philosophical discussion than I am willing to take on in blog form with only two undergraduate philosophy courses to back up my thoughts. What I am qualified to talk about and want to address is what do we do when we are moving through an unfair point in life and really struggling with absorbing the feeling of unfairness. While we are supposed to “know” that life isn’t fair, feeling the effects of the unfairness is a whole other story.

If I try to put myself in the shoes of those around me, I can easily pinpoint a moment where they felt things weren’t fair: Why am I still single? Why can’t I just find a job that I love? Why can’t I have a better relationship with my family? Why can’t I get pregnant? If you’ve asked yourself any of those questions then you know there is a sense of being deserving of what you lack, and sometimes even more so. And in those cases, there is an unwillingness to just sit back and accept that maybe it’s just because life isn’t fair.

So what do we do?

Build your support system: Whatever it is that’s troubling you, you are not the only one going through it. Find someone who gets it. Like really gets it. Facebook is a great resource for support online, and there are endless niche groups that offer a place to commiserate. (Disclaimer: they are not all created equal so I recommend reading through past posts before adding your own).

Read: Go to Amazon, type your problem, and I bet there’s a book for that. Not all problems are created equal and having more in depth advice for working through your particular strife is going to help.

Redirect: Instead of being swallowed up by the part of your life that is unfair, spend some time reflecting on the part of your life where you dominate. Maybe your family tree makes you want to buy a chainsaw, but you have a great group of friends. Or maybe you’ve experienced more financial setbacks than the guy next to you, but you absolutely love your job. Focusing on the good is easier said than done, but is worth the added effort.

Therapy: If you’ve read any previous posts you already knew this answer was coming. Having someone to talk about the unfairness with is invaluable. Someone to sit in the pain with you, for as long as you need and who is not going to make you feel like a whiny child for truly lamenting the feeling.

So it is true: Life isn’t fair. But just because we have to say it, doesn’t mean we have to be ok with it.

 

Photo by Lisa via Flickr

Finding the Right Therapist

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In the journey to become a therapist it is a well-known phenomenon that a family member will inevitably say, “You could start with us!” The good-natured joke gets a laugh (the first 50 times), but at some point we have the obligation to clarify the ethical mandate: No treating friends and family. To be more specific, therapists should not see clients with whom they have a dual relationship. For example: Met in a daily yoga class, share friends or relatives, live next door to one another. The lines can get a little blurry, and in some instances dual relationships are unavoidable, but for the most part we all do our best to avoid circumstances that could lead to bias.

Over the years I have had friends and family approach me about how to find a therapist, and what they should look for. While the end decision is ultimately up to them, there are some options that can simplify the process when searching.

  1. Insurance or Cash?

Deciding this right off the bat will save you a lot of phone calls. If you are set in going through your insurance, you will want to only look at providers who are “in-network.” Your insurance company provides this list, and you can use that to narrow down. If your plan is a PPO, or you have great coverage, you can also look at providers who bill “out of network.” As a provider who does not contract with insurance companies (for reasons I can include in my next post), I always give the option of a “superbill” for PPO clients. This allows the client to receive some reimbursement directly from their insurance company. If you decide to forego using insurance, disregard the above jargon, and move to number 2.

  1. Start with a search engine

PsychologyToday.com is a great resource for narrowing down providers by region, specialty, and theoretical orientation. GoodTherapy.org is similar. There are several others, and one option is to google: Therapist finder. These sites have profiles of their therapists where you can get a feel for their personality and treatment style.

  1. What is your main reason for seeking therapy?

What are you experiencing that led you to this point? Search for someone whose specialty or area of interest is aligned with your specific need. Don’t seek out someone who works with complex trauma if you are dealing with career stress. If you are having marital distress, look for someone who specializes in couple’s therapy or relationships. All MFTs are trained in working with depression and anxiety, so if that is your area of need, you can look for someone whose message sounds welcoming to you.

  1. Choose a few

Make a list of 3-5 therapists who you think you would feel comfortable with, and start calling. Expect that most will return calls within 24 hours Monday-Friday. While most of us make it a practice to always return calls, there are some who won’t call back if they aren’t accepting new clients.

  1. Feel free to schedule with more than one therapist, and test the waters

 Studies have shown that more than anything, the most crucial aspect of therapy is the relationship. Therapists know this, and we want you to find the right fit. It is not uncommon to have a session or two to feel out the process, before committing. You will be invested in the process emotionally and financially, and you want to feel like you can share with this person. Don’t be afraid to be clear about what you want, or to ask questions. We want you to get the most out of this process.

If you are starting the searching process now, good luck! If you have follow-up questions or would like more details on anything I wrote, feel free to comment.

Photo Credit: Flickr

Calling Advice Seekers!

As you may have read in the about me section of this blog, one of my goals is to offer advice in a “Dear Jacqueline,” format. If you’ve had any questions that you didn’t want to ask friends and family about, or weren’t satisfied with the feedback you got, feel free to send it to me!

All submissions remain anonymous, and you get to do a good deed by helping me fulfill a life dream. 

Email questions to: jacquelineplante.mft@gmail.com

 

 

Lessons & Lattes

Hello all!

For those of you who have not read the About section, I wanted to let you know that part of what I would like this blog to be is an advice column. 

If you, or any friends you know have questions that you would like answered about relationships, family, work, etc. you can email me. I will post the reply right here, and will keep you anonymous. 

Emails should be sent to jacquelineplante.mft@gmail.com

Thanks, I look forward to hearing from you!